Nothing makes you want to catch the next thing smoking and leave town for good more than rejection. Hiding underneath a big rock or moving to a remote island far away from everyone sound like a dream compared to the nightmare of such a tough emotion. It’s persistent and haunting. It’s relentless. When it comes, it comes with a vengeance to remind you that you are not wanted –That you don’t matter–You’re unlovable — No one would miss you if you were gone – You don’t belong –There’s no place for you!
Rejection is usually introduced during childhood when we are the most impressionable; during a time when we’re like glue and “everything sticks”. Maybe a parent or caregiver failed you in some way. They were physically absent or emotionally absent, they spoke word curses over you like, “You’re a nobody”. They withheld love from you. They didn’t spend time with you. Or maybe you were teased or bullied or consistently left out growing up. These are just a few of the ways rejection is introduced. Now you struggle to feel accepted fully, loved fully, or bounce back from the awful things said and done to you. You tend to awfulize much of what you hear or extract something awful out of something well-meaning. The right attention is not enough for you–too much attention becomes just enough–and no attention is like living out your worst nightmare.
The feeling of rejection is a difficult emotion to resolve for many. Here’s why.
1. Rejection early in life tends to turn into projection onto God. It’s hard to receive healing from the same God that you also believe to be poorly accepting of you.
2. Rejection from others results in subjection of self. When others reject us severely, we tend to learn to reject ourselves and subject ourselves to self-inflicted wounding. Someone pushed play on rejection, but you keep pressing pause and rewind every time you reject yourself.
3. Rejection can be a type of delusion. Rejection is only real a small percentage of the time, the rest of the time it is merely perceived. If you suffer from chronic feelings of rejection, most of the time you hallucinate that it is happening. You see, hear, and feel rejection everywhere you go when it is actually nowhere to be found.
We were created with a propensity to connect and relate and experience intimacy, so it is no wonder unwantedness feels so dreadful. If you are tired of seeing your face on an imaginary poster that is plastered everywhere that reads “America’s Most Unwanted”, we want you to stay tuned to our new blog series dealing with this emotion called rejection. We are going to help you stop pushing play, pause, and rewind and push “eject” on the feeling of rejection in your life.
Identical twin sisters Lanelle and Leatisher Jackson, affectionately known as Nell and Tish, are both licensed professional counselors in the State of Ohio; treating children, adolescents, adults and families. For additional information, contact firstname.lastname@example.org