Going back in time to our childhood years, we regularly daydreamed about what marriage would be like and what kind of marriages we wanted to have. In our heads, we could only see happy days, sunny skies, endless hugs and kisses, flower petals scattered around the room, vacationing in fantastic places, and lots of money in the bank.
We loved watching our favorite fairy tale Disney movies and imagining love saturating us so deeply by some prince charming on a white horse and wearing a fancy tux. We really thought there was a such thing as princes, horses, fancy ballroom dances, long walks on beaches, and skipping around in flowery fields holding hands.
Even as adults, the Disney fairy tale thinking toned down some, but the whole idea of having a ridiculously happy and perfect marriage was still much fantasized. We just had no idea!!!! Marriage is a lot of things—it’s wonderful, exciting, challenging, fun, frustrating, busy, and brings about much growth——but it is definitely no fairy tale! Or is it?
There are some aspects of the fairy tale ideology that parallel are lives and there are others that do not. Fairy tales illustrate adversity, fighting for your relationship, enemies, challenges, critics, doubt, fear, and the overcoming of villains. Those villains can be demons from both of your pasts, unhealthy outside relationships, non-supportive family members, or Satan himself. Some people know what it is like all too well to have to fight and battle to maintain their marriage and stay together. If that isn’t a fairy tale, then we don’t know what is! So many fairy tale movies are filled with adversity and the “happily ever after”, exciting, romantic stuff doesn’t happen until the end.
If you think of a fairy tale in that regard, then we are certainly living fairy tale marriages. Now we aren’t saying that we haven’t had some incredibly great moments and memorable times. It’s just marriage isn’t as glamorous as we thought it would be. Much of our time with our husbands includes discussing bills, arranging who will watch the kids, figuring out dinner, or talking about work.
It can be tremendously disappointing if we look at what we wanted early on and compare to what we are actually experiencing, but we have chosen to appreciate all that marriage brings and the many joys that do occur. It may not be exactly what we dreamed up, but it truly is a blessing to be able to go through life with someone problem solving, working together, and growing together.
The key to appreciating a marriage is to embrace the little things. We may not have ever been able to skip through a field together laughing and twirling each other around, but there are so many moments we have enjoyed such as hiking, bike riding, or just strolling through the mall together with our husbands.
Sometimes we have to ditch what we “think” is true happiness and learn to create our own happy moments in marriage. We also have to ditch comparing our marriages to others. There are some couples who get the luxury of traveling a lot, have an overflow of resources, and are constantly experiencing the finer things in life that appear to be more on the happy fairy tale side of things. For those of us who are living more on the simple side of things, our advice is to Embrace and Enjoy what you have!!!!!!
Marriage may not be the fairy tale you wanted it to be, but it is what you make of it. The blessing is that you have all eternity to create whatever magical moments you wish!!!!!