Shattering The Silence of Trauma
Trauma Impacts Storytelling
Ever go through something so awful it left you speechless? An experience that not only left you looking for answers, but also looking for the right words? Traumatic events and experiences activate the brain and body in such a way, that the regions of the brain that are in charge of language can go offline and become virtually inaccessible, while other regions of the brain responsible for survival are in charge and highly activated. In the midst of trauma—running, fighting, yelling, moving away, and even freezing take priority over talking and communicating with words. But after the event has come to a conclusion, it can still be difficult to find words and language. Trauma not only has an impact on our ability to communicate what is going on in our interior world during the trauma, but also long after.
How Silence is Pro-Survival
When in trauma-mode, we can struggle to name the intense emotions flooding our brains, the powerful sensations swirling around in our bodies and our needs in the moment. Yet, while there could be many blocks to finding words, these blocks can all be in favor of survival—or what is called Pro-Survival. Here are a few pro-survival functions of silence:
Silence can keep us safe at times. There are some traumas where communicating about what is happening or what has happened can lead to more endangerment or escalation of harm (i.e. victims of sexual or physical abuse, victims of bullying, victims of extortion, victims of religious abuse etc).
Silence can be like the dam that keeps the waters from rushing in. Maybe we fear speaking about the wound or trauma will overtake us with so much grief, anger and terror, that there is no way we will survive facing it.
Silence may be a way to protect us from others’ judgments, criticism, unhelpful advice, and invalidation. Facing the trauma was hard enough—we may not have the capacity to also face others’ reactions to our painful stories.
Self-silencing of a story can give the reward of control—This control over our story can give the illusion of recovery, when we consider all the control we have lost from the traumatic event.
And lastly, silence may be in the service of others’ survival. We may feel that our stories will traumatize and horrify others, so we opt to protect them from secondary and vicarious trauma.
No matter what your pro-survival choices are, we are here to help you move from survival strategies to creative strategies. Regaining control doesn’t have to mean silencing yourself or burying your burdens deep into your body. It is time to break the silence—actually—shatter it!
3 Strategies for Shattering the Silence
Here are 3 gentle and safe ways that you can begin to give words to your wounds and shatter the silence in your life:
Pick 1 story that is mildly disturbing and write down the what, when, who and where elements of the experience. Next, read what you wrote to yourself aloud as if you are hearing it for the first time. Notice how you feel as you experience being both the storyteller and the listener of your own story.
Consider scheduling a therapy appointment with a trauma-informed clinician who will help you to name “what has happened to you”. A therapist is a compassionate witness who has the capacity to hold stories without succumbing to secondary trauma (a good therapist practices good self care and has professional support to avoid burnout).
Talk to God about 1 impactful event in your life as if this is His first time hearing about it (sometimes we don’t talk to God because we conclude He knows everything anyway—but He is interested in an attachment relationship with us—and attachment relationships need healthy sharing). Then, ask Him what He feels about your story.
As you can see in these 3 suggestions, you have the opportunity to shatter your silence with 3 empathic witnesses: Self, Other and God!
And remember this—Trauma loses its power to shatter you—when you use your voice to shatter the silence!
